Presenting…every episode of Smackdown:
Cole: What a hero [name of heel] is! He’s the greatest human being in the history of all known events. He’s out there with [name of quasi-celebrity] listening to [name of whatever musical artist the WWE considers hip] watching [name of popular TV show no one in the WWE watches]! I bet you never watched [name of TV show], Josh! I bet you’ve never even kissed a girl. You probably just sit around. Eating food. Drinking beverages. Like a tool.
Booker T: Awwwwwwwwwwwww, my goodness.
Matthews: Should AJ get bedeazzled ass implants? Head over to the WWE Universe page on Facebook and let us know what your thoughts are on the matter!
Booker T: Hold up, hold up, hold up! Looky here, dog. This is the part of the match when things really count. When you’ve got to dig deep and find that stuff deep down inside you, man.
Cole: I bet you’ve never dug down deep to find anything, Josh. You probably just sit around. Talking to people. Living your life. Converting oxygen into carbon-dioxide. Like an idiot.
Matthews: Trent Barreta unleashed a bit of a storm on Twitter over the weekend, tweeting that he bought himself a nice new pair of pants.
Booker T: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Can you feel me?
CM Punk Is Power
An absolutely wonderful match. Compelling. Jaw-Dropping. It did what wrestling needed. WWE gets credit for such a compelling story. Only thing that would’ve made it better was Jim Ross calling it and if it was at Wrestlemania in Chicago. Still, five-star match.
I have not seen a match like this in years…
No matter the ending, thank you CM Punk and thank you John Cena. This is what every wrestling fan has been waiting for.
Also, I’ll leap at any opportunity to shine a spotlight on Michael Cole’s idiocy. Which, by the way, was like pre-recorded last night. Lawler and Cole were at ringside but they were not calling the play-by-play action. It must have been added later on. Which almost makes Cole’s presence there more insulting and hurtful. Because it was more deliberate. There was more of an effort involved in taking Cole’s words and matching them to picture. I just don’t know how anyone can listen to him on a regular basis and not be turned off by the product. He flips back and forth so much between running down and criticizing the product, and acting super-excited about the action we’re about to see, that there’s no way to latch on to any of it. How are we supposed to believe that he actually cares about anything he’s watching?
Also on Smackdown, Cole questioned Daniel Bryan’s desire to win a match because of…well…”What’s he gonna do, go home and sit on the couch? He has no TV, he doesn’t eat meat, what’s he gonna do?” This is all true. What is there to do after winning other than eating meat and watching TV? And if one doesn’t have either of those things, what’s the point of living, much less winning?
Verified WWE Twitter Accounts - The Ones EVERYONE Should Follow
I recommend follow these, since they often offer fan interaction (replies and retweets) and insight to WWE. They aren’t always going to respond to your requests, so be patient, kind, and respectful. Your time will come. Also…don’t follow @MichaelCole. He hasn’t used his in nearly two months, and I got a DM from him in early May. I had to wash my computer, twitter, face, body, and hair.